Novice Pop

Behold! The Awesome Power Of A Child’s Gag Reflex

People constantly pick on my wife and I for the way we break up food for our son. But once we show them what he does if we don’t break things up, they understand. The kid is like a Hoover, or maybe these days its more fitting to say he’s like a Dyson, shoving whatever he can into his mouth without stopping.

This, of course, puts him in danger of choking, something that scares the shit out of me. Recently (twice in the past month) we’ve come face to face with this terror, and what saved our little boy was none other than his own gag reflex. I’ve been shocked to see just how powerful it seems to be, hurling chewed mush up to six feet across the room. All I can say is, “ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY GAG REFLEX!”

Now don’t go thinking that my wife and I will be counting on this little miracle of nature to save our boy if this should ever happen again. We will be enrolling in infant CPR and Heimlich Maneuver classes at the local hospital. In the meantime, here are some online instructional videos from The University of Washington School of Medicine (found via Dumb Little Man).

P.S. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent picture of a baby vomiting? I had to give up.

Let People Know Just How Much They Bother You… With Paper

Finding the right words to let someone know how much they suck can be difficult. I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve gotten upset at someone, anyone - for doing something stupid, but kept it to myself because the right words just wouldn’t come.

Thanks to some clever, innovative individuals out there in web-land, though, I no longer have to think for myself when trying to decide the on the perfect expletive or insult for that jack-ass who won’t get off his damn cell phone and quit holding up the checkout line at the grocery store.

Now I can just hand them a card or a slip of paper, and all the insulting is handled for me:

• for the dillhole who rendered the last parking space in the lot worthless, because he decided that the lines painted on the ground are just there for decoration…
  The “You Park Like An Asshole” Infraction Notice from You Park Like An Asshole
• for the moron who feels that his cell phone conversations are sooooo important, that we should all hear them…
  SHHH! Cards from Coudal Partners
• and for the general pain in the ass - last, but not least, we have…
  The Douche Card from Orange 32