There Is Nothing Here Worth Your Life
At one of my jobs (the more soul-sucking of the two), on the wall by my desk, I have one of those novelty yard signs pinned up. I’m sure you’ve seen them before. They replace messages like “Beware of Dog” with “Beware of Rabid Housewife” or instead of “No Trespassing” they read, “Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.”
The one I keep at my desk reads, “There is nothing here worth your life.” And I keep it posted there to remind myself, that while being here, dealing with corporate politics and employees whom at times can seem to have the IQ of seaweed, having to work within all of the corporate rules and regulations that in a logical world would be considered downright ludicrous, and stewing in my frustrations and, at times, furious anger; all of this is just a job.
It is not my life, my legacy, or even my future.
It is just a job.
It is what I do to pay the bills.
And while at times the sheer insanity and frustration that comes from sitting at this desk 8 hours a day may seem too large to handle, I have to be sure that it stays here. It cannot, MUST NOT, come home with me.
Unfortunately, I find myself failing this challenge far too often. I have never been one to bottle emotions. Maybe that sounds a little wuss-like to some, but I can’t help it. If I’m pissed, and you’re nearby, chances are you’re gonna know just how pissed I am, whether you want to or not.
But this is not good. I have a family to think about, relationships with the people who matter to me. And no matter how infuriated I am by the fact that a co-worker went and changed everything on a project without communicating to the rest of the team (and then proceeded to blame the rest of the team for not knowing he/she changed things) I need to keep those relationships good ones.
I don’t want my son or wife to be afraid of me because I always seem angry, like I could lose it at any moment. I’d imagine that when my wife (before we were married) would picture what her future husband would be like, she didn’t envision him (me) being a scary, agitated, disgruntled excuse for a human being.
And I know I can’t be the only one going through this. Today it seems that what you do for work, your career, is what defines you. And with that being the case, how is it possible to expect that we can all keep or personal and professional lives separate.
But no matter how hard it is to do, we must do it, or at least, I must do it. I will not be satisfied until I can walk in through the front door of my house after a piss-poor day of work and just be happy, happy to be home with the ones I love, with not a thought of this infernal hell-hole on my mind.
January 18th, 2007 at 9:19 am
No, you’re not the only one, not by far. This reminded me of the pop-psychologists and wealthy people on talk shows that give advice- “find a job you love and you’ll never go to work again.” It’s not that cut-and-dry for those of us living in the real world, and “advice” like this doesn’t help. Very few of us have the luxury of switching jobs or careers. We have people that depend on us to bring home the bacon- not to bring home 5 vacation home payments in our 2007 Lexus.
There is alot to be said about “leaving it at the door”